Morphine Magazine Article 1, Fall 2007 Pre-Issue

Hello, my name is Don Sir. When I was new to the BDSM scene more than 10 years ago, I tried to come up with a really catchy "scene name" which would convey dominance and sadism just by speaking it. I started with Sir Marq DS. It contained my first and last initials, which coinceded with Dominance and submission, and a variation of my middle name, Mark with Sir to lend it a hint of royalty. Which has its own sinister connotation, but I went with the "q" anyway (as in short for Marquis). After awhile I noticed when people were saying hello to me and calling me Marq, I didn't know who they were addressing and too often I just introduced myself as Don. So the whole scene moniker was doomed from the start. I just started using my real first name and included Sir as a reflection of what the kids called me when I was a martial arts instructor. Hence, Don Sir.

A lot of participants in the greater BDSM scene use "scene names" to protect anonymity or to give life to an alter ego. They seem to spend a lot of time picking out names which convey submission, dominace, evil, wickedness, sexiness, etc. in the beginning because even if they have an idea that BDSM has something for them, they often don't really know exactly what it is they want or which direction they want to go. They'll take a stab at participation by choosing the thing that appeals most to them visually.

Some people are inspired by wielding power over another human being (dominance), some experience bliss at the thought of giving that power up (submission). Others sit on the fence and try both sides (switches) while some are enamored with the mere imagery, texture, and sensual stimulation of leather, latex, rubber, pvc, boots, uniforms, heels, rope, and flesh, among other things, (fetishists). Some are straight, gay, bisexual, transgendered. It's not so much important that one labels oneself in this process of self-discovery, but it is important to understand the deliniations between the different role identifications. One of the main attractions for identifying as dominant or submissive is the rather narrow role and relationship expectations. For some there is a comfort in the rigid expectations because they learn to create solid ego boundries. Partners who take turns switching roles will find the lack of stability detrimental to the whole relationship.

Still once someone has picked a role, say a man who identifies as a dominant heterosexual male, it is incumbant to do a thourough and fearlessly honest personal inventory to determine IF they are capable of following the responsibilities that role carries. Say he's married with children and his spouse isn't interested in BDSM, his ability to participate is limited compared to someone who is single. He could choose to explore outside the boundries of his marriage agreement, but that would jeopardize his family for the sake of his own journey. Alternatively, consider a divorced mom who has a deep desire to serve and bottom to an experienced Master. Her ability to participate will be limited depending on her living situation, including her job, custody, finances, etc. Like any major decision one should be willing to do a searching and fearlessly honest personal inventory before making any immediate changes. It's not enough to know that you want to do something, you need to why. Some very important questions to ask yourself are: Why am I doing this? Why do I want to do this? Who is benefitting most from my participation? Will I suffer from my participation in this? Will my job be at risk? Will my family be at risk?

Consider the BDSM scene like a college (oh if ONLY there were a BDSM University!) where it is preferable to have prerequisites satisfied before moving on to the advanced courses. Some good vanilla (non BDSM lifestyle) prerequisites I recommend are Applied Anatomy/Physiology, First-Aid, Psychology for Dummies, basic Sociology, Interpersonal Communications, and a good, healthy understanding of Ethics and Morals. Common Sense would be an excellent course to take, alas they don't offer it anywhere. This may seem like a lot of information to process if one is just interested in engaging in kinky sex or just going to a fetish event to watch a hot girl bind and/ore beat another hot girl. These things are gateway activities which can lead one to explore further and therefore all that extra schooling will come in handy in one's journeys. Luck favors the prepared, or so says Edna Mode.

In the beginning I chose a name I felt associated me with Dominance/submission and even sadism (Marq DS = Marquis de Sade). I learned throughout my journey that I am not only a heterosexual dominant male sadist who lives in a 24/7 Master/slave relationship, I'm also a spiritual guide, craftsman, conflict resolutionist, artist, Daddy, leatherman, leather title holder, part-time therapist, sensualist, fetishist, owner, photographer, educator, mentor. Don Sir seems to cover all that just fine for me.